The past year has been a whirlwind of disappointment and excitement. We started 2016 looking forward to growing our family through IVF and beginning the journey into motherhood. We had to discuss the need for IVF after months of trying fertility treatments the prior year and had not been successful. We started the IVF journey in February and March last year and imagined our new life as moms. The hopes, dreams and expectations for our new family were quickly taken from us when the IVF failed and $20,000 dollars later had nothing to show for it. After seeking guidance and really reflecting how we can start our family that we so desired we flirted with the idea of embryo donation and adoption.
Our hearts have always desired adoption and we always knew that we would adopt and we felt that it was time to move towards adoption to create our family. June 2016, we completed our domestic home study and signed a contract with an adoption facilitator in California because we heard through forums her success rates was great. Our adoption criteria is completely open, we have no preference and are open to special needs and drug exposed infants. We were so excited in July when we got a call about a situation that the birth mom was due in August 2016 and we were matched with the birth mom. It was a roller – coaster for the month that we were matched. We spent $3,000 in birth mother expenses in one month and $17,000 for our facilitator contract fee. We had very little communication regarding the birth mom, but went to California to meet her and she went in labor before we could meet in person. She called us from the hospital and told us to come. We went, with our hearts filled with joy and excitement and then got to the hospital and she had decided that she was going to parent and had a few choice words to say to us.
We respect the decision of parenting a birth child; however, we were heartbroken, wounded, and left with heavy hearts. Nothing about that match felt right and we felt that it was about how much money they could get from a unknowing couple.
We moved on and repaired our hearts and wounds knowing that we will have our family and it just was not the right match. We were presented with another situation a few months later in October and that we said no to. We didn’t feel right and it was all about getting money right away for expenses. December 2016, we got a call from our adoption facilitator about another situation for a birth mom that was due at the beginning of January. We felt like this could be it, we matched with the birth mom, and began having conversations with her and felt okay, but the feelings of oh no and not again happened about 4 days after the match started and we were continually asked for more money and more drama happened. We spoke with the social worker that was working with her and we decided that this was not the right fit and passed on the situation at the end of December.
We are asking you to follow along on the journey with us and we will speak more on our next steps on the path to our family.