Adoption Facilitators: In it for the money.

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When we started the adoption process we took time to research agencies and facilitators. We landed on an adoption facilitator out of California based on the “success rates” that were posted. We knew that we wouldn’t have to wait very long because we were open to almost everything.  Oh how we were wrong.

We have learned over the last seven months that a facilitator borders a very thin line of ethical practices. Unfortunately, we learned the hard way that the person we entered into a contract with and paid a large fee gives two craps about her “clients” and literally makes her families spend thousands, tens of thousands of dollars in birth mother expenses.

We spent several months waiting any not hearing anything from our facilitator and wondering when we would become moms. Then after we contacted her and emailed her for updates we got met with harsh criticisms and then pushed into a match.

During the most recent terrible match she contacted us two additional times pushing the match after we had already stopped the match and she used guilt tactics pushing us to match again with the same birth mom to provide her with more money for expenses.  At this point, we had enough, and we firmly said no and that it is actually illegal to provide living expenses especially in the state that we would finalize an adoption in and the facilitator proceeded to yell at us and tell us that we were wrong and we specifically provided state statutes and then she proceeded to bad mouth and curse the birth mom’s mom and telling us how much of a horrible person she was. This whole interaction was nothing but unprofessional and incredibly disheartening. That was the end of it. We have had no contact from our said facilitator since that and it has been over a month.

We would definitively recommend to work directly with an attorney, social worker, or adoption agency that will protect both your interest and the birth mom interest as well, while remaining professional. When adopting you really need someone on your side too.

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