Category Archives: adoption

Honest review of Adopt-now facilitator

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We would not recommend adopt-now and advise you not to pursue adoption through Nancy. She runs an unethical and unprofessional business. 
My wife and I are a same sex couple and worked with Nancy for almost a year. Our journey started June 2016. We had zero criteria when it came to adopting, as we were open to every race, both genders, every drug and alcohol exposure, special needs, and when we had our initial consultation, Nancy said it would happen within weeks. 
We had three failed matches and all were scams, where it was pretty obvious but Nancy continued to push us to spend thousands of dollars within weeks for each of these birth moms. Nancy also was fixated on the fact that we weren’t wealthy, and made it seem like we didn’t have the money for attorney situations when we do. She reserves attorney situations for people that call in that arent waiting because she is able to collect an additional $17,000 fee. 
In December 2016, we commented on one of Nancy’s Facebook post indicating it takes no time to adopt citing a situation (attorney) that was only one day. Our comment was “Wow! We’ve been waiting 6 months. Hope we get lucky soon too! 😀” within hours we were contacted by Nancy yelling at us and telling us that it makes her business look bad and that it’s inappropriate to say those things. She then proceeded to tell us about our last match. 
On our last match with Nancy, this is what made us give up on her. It was around Christmas and we were matched with a young birth mom. It was obvious she was going to parent. Nancy demanded we give her money right away. We broke the match and Nancy kept trying to rematch three times so that the birth mom could continue to get thousands of dollars. For example, a couple thousand in one week. When we told Nancy we were uncomfortable, we were yelled at and she cursed in reference to the birth mothers mom. She is not professional. Also, the social worker that worked on this match even indicated there were too many red flag to move forward and said not to send the birth mom anymore money as we were her fourth match within a month and a half yet Nancy pushed to continue to send money.
Nancy blatantly told us in October that her business was not doing well because she is running into more scams. However, her model of adoptions does not filter out or eliminate the motivator of scamming. She sets the expectations with the birth moms that these families will pay for everything and they run the bills up. The lowest amount we encountered was $3,000 a month and they would except that in cash. We understand the need for some birth mom expenses; however, it should not be in cash! There is also a legal aspect of birth mom expenses and that each state is different; however, our state only allows for medical expenses and Nancy said that’s not true and yelled at us on the phone saying that we were ruining the match. We specifically had the laws for our state pulled up while telling her this information. 
We looked elsewhere. Due to our open criteria we adopted a perfectly healthy baby boy in less than two months. Please save your money and run away. 
You do not want to be out $17,000 and suffer from a lot of emotional anguish. 

Making the Money Stretch:Food on a budget

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When we embarked on fertility treatment and adoption we knew that we would have to save and live frugally and make sure that we were sticking to a budget and being careful what we spent money on.

We have tried multiple stores for grocery shopping and have found that Trader Joe’s has the best prices around. We tried Fred Meyer, Walmart, Target, QFC and Safeway and we would always end up spending about $120 or more a week.

We always thought that Trader Joe’s was too expensive for us, but we thought we would give it a one week try and have been hooked ever since.  In a typical week, we spend between $40-60 a week.

This week we spent $53 for breakfast, lunch, and dinners.  One of our favorites from Trader Joe’s is their chicken sausages. They have nothing bad in them and are so delicious.

When every penny counts we look at all the ways to save and Trader Joe’s has helped greatly with that.

PS. We are still fundraising with the puzzle fundraiser. We are pending a situation in Arizona and we will not know until the baby is born. It will be considered a stork drop. We are extremely confident in our chances and would appreciate any and all help! We are about $3,000 short on all the fees. If you could donate and then share we would so appreciate it. 

https://www.gofundme.com/2j62udwk 

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Asking For Help: Let’s Have Fun!

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Our hearts and guts are telling us that we are going to adopt soon. We are currently pending a situation that is in Arizona and our hearts are telling us this is it. We are pretty positive about the situation and are just waiting to hear.  We are in need about approximately $5,000 in the next month to cover attorney expenses and travel expenses.

We are currently doing a puzzle piece fundraiser! If you donate $10 it will purchase a puzzle piece. Larger donations will purchase multiple pieces. We will write your name on the back. The finished puzzle will be framed in our future child’s room, and you will always be apart of their adoption story and how they became a part of our family. Your donation would mean the world!

https://www.gofundme.com/2j62udwk

We ask you to consider giving up two Starbucks drinks in the next two weeks and donate that to us. Or one meal out to eat.

We are asking for the fundraiser in lieu of baby shower’s or gifts.

Please help us adopt and fill their room with all the love you guys have!

https://www.gofundme.com/2j62udwk

 

Adoption Agencies

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During the past few months we have connected with a couple agencies that have been wonderful. One of the pieces of the adoption process that we have been missing was support for us and protection for us.  We signed on with two “special needs” situations and have been shown three times as much in a month and a half then we have in the last seven months.  Our hearts desire having a family and having a child more than anything.

We would recommend an agency over an independent adoption. There is a ton of fraud in the adoption world and you need someone on your side to protect your hearts and wallet.

If you are on the fence of an agency or facilitator, we would say go with the agency!

Adoption Facilitators: In it for the money.

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When we started the adoption process we took time to research agencies and facilitators. We landed on an adoption facilitator out of California based on the “success rates” that were posted. We knew that we wouldn’t have to wait very long because we were open to almost everything.  Oh how we were wrong.

We have learned over the last seven months that a facilitator borders a very thin line of ethical practices. Unfortunately, we learned the hard way that the person we entered into a contract with and paid a large fee gives two craps about her “clients” and literally makes her families spend thousands, tens of thousands of dollars in birth mother expenses.

We spent several months waiting any not hearing anything from our facilitator and wondering when we would become moms. Then after we contacted her and emailed her for updates we got met with harsh criticisms and then pushed into a match.

During the most recent terrible match she contacted us two additional times pushing the match after we had already stopped the match and she used guilt tactics pushing us to match again with the same birth mom to provide her with more money for expenses.  At this point, we had enough, and we firmly said no and that it is actually illegal to provide living expenses especially in the state that we would finalize an adoption in and the facilitator proceeded to yell at us and tell us that we were wrong and we specifically provided state statutes and then she proceeded to bad mouth and curse the birth mom’s mom and telling us how much of a horrible person she was. This whole interaction was nothing but unprofessional and incredibly disheartening. That was the end of it. We have had no contact from our said facilitator since that and it has been over a month.

We would definitively recommend to work directly with an attorney, social worker, or adoption agency that will protect both your interest and the birth mom interest as well, while remaining professional. When adopting you really need someone on your side too.

2017: Maybe baby?

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The past year has been a whirlwind of disappointment and excitement. We started 2016 looking forward to growing our family through IVF and beginning the journey into motherhood.   We had to discuss the need for IVF after months of trying fertility treatments the prior year and had not been successful. We started the IVF journey in February and March last year and imagined our new life as moms.  The hopes, dreams and expectations for our new family were quickly taken from us when the IVF failed and $20,000 dollars later had nothing to show for it.   After seeking guidance and really reflecting how we can start our family that we so desired we flirted with the idea of embryo donation and adoption.

Our hearts have always desired adoption and we always knew that we would adopt and we felt that it was time to move towards adoption to create our family.  June 2016, we completed our domestic home study and signed a contract with an adoption facilitator in California because we heard through forums her success rates was great.  Our adoption criteria is completely open, we have no preference and are open to special needs and drug exposed infants.  We were so excited in July when we got a call about a situation that the birth mom was due in August 2016 and we were matched with the birth mom.  It was a roller – coaster for the month that we were matched. We spent $3,000 in birth mother expenses in one month and $17,000 for our facilitator contract fee. We had very little communication regarding the birth mom, but went to California to meet her and she went in labor before we could meet in person. She called us from the hospital and told us to come. We went, with our hearts filled with joy and excitement and then got to the hospital and she had decided that she was going to parent and had a few choice words to say to us.

We respect the decision of parenting a birth child; however, we were heartbroken, wounded, and left with heavy hearts. Nothing about that match felt right and we felt that it was about how much money they could get from a unknowing couple.

We moved on and repaired our hearts and wounds knowing that we will have our family and it just was not the right match. We were presented with another situation a few months later in October and that we said no to. We didn’t feel right and it was all about getting money right away for expenses. December 2016, we got a call from our adoption facilitator about another situation for a birth mom that was due at the beginning of January. We felt like this could be it, we matched with the birth mom, and began having conversations with her and felt okay, but the feelings of oh no and not again happened about 4 days after the match started and we were continually asked for more money and more drama happened. We spoke with the social worker that was working with her and we decided that this was not the right fit and passed on the situation at the end of December.

We are asking you to follow along on the journey with us and we will speak more on our next steps on the path to our family.