Category Archives: Lesbian, trying to conceive, lgbt families

Honest review of Adopt-now facilitator

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We would not recommend adopt-now and advise you not to pursue adoption through Nancy. She runs an unethical and unprofessional business. 
My wife and I are a same sex couple and worked with Nancy for almost a year. Our journey started June 2016. We had zero criteria when it came to adopting, as we were open to every race, both genders, every drug and alcohol exposure, special needs, and when we had our initial consultation, Nancy said it would happen within weeks. 
We had three failed matches and all were scams, where it was pretty obvious but Nancy continued to push us to spend thousands of dollars within weeks for each of these birth moms. Nancy also was fixated on the fact that we weren’t wealthy, and made it seem like we didn’t have the money for attorney situations when we do. She reserves attorney situations for people that call in that arent waiting because she is able to collect an additional $17,000 fee. 
In December 2016, we commented on one of Nancy’s Facebook post indicating it takes no time to adopt citing a situation (attorney) that was only one day. Our comment was “Wow! We’ve been waiting 6 months. Hope we get lucky soon too! 😀” within hours we were contacted by Nancy yelling at us and telling us that it makes her business look bad and that it’s inappropriate to say those things. She then proceeded to tell us about our last match. 
On our last match with Nancy, this is what made us give up on her. It was around Christmas and we were matched with a young birth mom. It was obvious she was going to parent. Nancy demanded we give her money right away. We broke the match and Nancy kept trying to rematch three times so that the birth mom could continue to get thousands of dollars. For example, a couple thousand in one week. When we told Nancy we were uncomfortable, we were yelled at and she cursed in reference to the birth mothers mom. She is not professional. Also, the social worker that worked on this match even indicated there were too many red flag to move forward and said not to send the birth mom anymore money as we were her fourth match within a month and a half yet Nancy pushed to continue to send money.
Nancy blatantly told us in October that her business was not doing well because she is running into more scams. However, her model of adoptions does not filter out or eliminate the motivator of scamming. She sets the expectations with the birth moms that these families will pay for everything and they run the bills up. The lowest amount we encountered was $3,000 a month and they would except that in cash. We understand the need for some birth mom expenses; however, it should not be in cash! There is also a legal aspect of birth mom expenses and that each state is different; however, our state only allows for medical expenses and Nancy said that’s not true and yelled at us on the phone saying that we were ruining the match. We specifically had the laws for our state pulled up while telling her this information. 
We looked elsewhere. Due to our open criteria we adopted a perfectly healthy baby boy in less than two months. Please save your money and run away. 
You do not want to be out $17,000 and suffer from a lot of emotional anguish. 

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Asking For Help: Let’s Have Fun!

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Our hearts and guts are telling us that we are going to adopt soon. We are currently pending a situation that is in Arizona and our hearts are telling us this is it. We are pretty positive about the situation and are just waiting to hear.  We are in need about approximately $5,000 in the next month to cover attorney expenses and travel expenses.

We are currently doing a puzzle piece fundraiser! If you donate $10 it will purchase a puzzle piece. Larger donations will purchase multiple pieces. We will write your name on the back. The finished puzzle will be framed in our future child’s room, and you will always be apart of their adoption story and how they became a part of our family. Your donation would mean the world!

https://www.gofundme.com/2j62udwk

We ask you to consider giving up two Starbucks drinks in the next two weeks and donate that to us. Or one meal out to eat.

We are asking for the fundraiser in lieu of baby shower’s or gifts.

Please help us adopt and fill their room with all the love you guys have!

https://www.gofundme.com/2j62udwk

 

Adoption Agencies

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During the past few months we have connected with a couple agencies that have been wonderful. One of the pieces of the adoption process that we have been missing was support for us and protection for us.  We signed on with two “special needs” situations and have been shown three times as much in a month and a half then we have in the last seven months.  Our hearts desire having a family and having a child more than anything.

We would recommend an agency over an independent adoption. There is a ton of fraud in the adoption world and you need someone on your side to protect your hearts and wallet.

If you are on the fence of an agency or facilitator, we would say go with the agency!

Adoption Facilitators: In it for the money.

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When we started the adoption process we took time to research agencies and facilitators. We landed on an adoption facilitator out of California based on the “success rates” that were posted. We knew that we wouldn’t have to wait very long because we were open to almost everything.  Oh how we were wrong.

We have learned over the last seven months that a facilitator borders a very thin line of ethical practices. Unfortunately, we learned the hard way that the person we entered into a contract with and paid a large fee gives two craps about her “clients” and literally makes her families spend thousands, tens of thousands of dollars in birth mother expenses.

We spent several months waiting any not hearing anything from our facilitator and wondering when we would become moms. Then after we contacted her and emailed her for updates we got met with harsh criticisms and then pushed into a match.

During the most recent terrible match she contacted us two additional times pushing the match after we had already stopped the match and she used guilt tactics pushing us to match again with the same birth mom to provide her with more money for expenses.  At this point, we had enough, and we firmly said no and that it is actually illegal to provide living expenses especially in the state that we would finalize an adoption in and the facilitator proceeded to yell at us and tell us that we were wrong and we specifically provided state statutes and then she proceeded to bad mouth and curse the birth mom’s mom and telling us how much of a horrible person she was. This whole interaction was nothing but unprofessional and incredibly disheartening. That was the end of it. We have had no contact from our said facilitator since that and it has been over a month.

We would definitively recommend to work directly with an attorney, social worker, or adoption agency that will protect both your interest and the birth mom interest as well, while remaining professional. When adopting you really need someone on your side too.

2017: Maybe baby?

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The past year has been a whirlwind of disappointment and excitement. We started 2016 looking forward to growing our family through IVF and beginning the journey into motherhood.   We had to discuss the need for IVF after months of trying fertility treatments the prior year and had not been successful. We started the IVF journey in February and March last year and imagined our new life as moms.  The hopes, dreams and expectations for our new family were quickly taken from us when the IVF failed and $20,000 dollars later had nothing to show for it.   After seeking guidance and really reflecting how we can start our family that we so desired we flirted with the idea of embryo donation and adoption.

Our hearts have always desired adoption and we always knew that we would adopt and we felt that it was time to move towards adoption to create our family.  June 2016, we completed our domestic home study and signed a contract with an adoption facilitator in California because we heard through forums her success rates was great.  Our adoption criteria is completely open, we have no preference and are open to special needs and drug exposed infants.  We were so excited in July when we got a call about a situation that the birth mom was due in August 2016 and we were matched with the birth mom.  It was a roller – coaster for the month that we were matched. We spent $3,000 in birth mother expenses in one month and $17,000 for our facilitator contract fee. We had very little communication regarding the birth mom, but went to California to meet her and she went in labor before we could meet in person. She called us from the hospital and told us to come. We went, with our hearts filled with joy and excitement and then got to the hospital and she had decided that she was going to parent and had a few choice words to say to us.

We respect the decision of parenting a birth child; however, we were heartbroken, wounded, and left with heavy hearts. Nothing about that match felt right and we felt that it was about how much money they could get from a unknowing couple.

We moved on and repaired our hearts and wounds knowing that we will have our family and it just was not the right match. We were presented with another situation a few months later in October and that we said no to. We didn’t feel right and it was all about getting money right away for expenses. December 2016, we got a call from our adoption facilitator about another situation for a birth mom that was due at the beginning of January. We felt like this could be it, we matched with the birth mom, and began having conversations with her and felt okay, but the feelings of oh no and not again happened about 4 days after the match started and we were continually asked for more money and more drama happened. We spoke with the social worker that was working with her and we decided that this was not the right fit and passed on the situation at the end of December.

We are asking you to follow along on the journey with us and we will speak more on our next steps on the path to our family.

Egg Retrieval- Step Complete!

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The day has come! Today was our egg retrieval and Jen handled it like a champ! In and out in about two hours. We tried to leave the house about an hour and a half before we needed to be there, and we are really glad we did. The normal 20 minute drive turned into a about an hour and ten minutes. Traffic was at a stand still on the highway and Jen started to panic at the hour point. Eventually, we were able to get off and take side streets and made it right at the original time we were supposed to be there.

We arrived and were ushered to the fancy side of the clinic, the side that includes the lab and all the surgery suites and recovery rooms. Jen got changed into her gown and was somewhat quickly ushered away and Tiffany was sent to go wait in the waiting room. Jen was a party pooper so no pictures of her actually ready to go with the goofy hat and booties on but we did snap a quick picture of the view.IMG_9954

 

 

About 30 minutes later our IVF coordinator, who is a sweetheart, went out and talked to Tiffany and checked on Jen in the surgical room to see how much longer it was going to be. About 15 minutes later Jen was all done and in the recovery room, high as a freaking kite. Tiffany was allowed back in the recovery room after speaking with our doctor and finding out the number of eggs that they were able to get. Tiffany went back and saw Jen and told her that we had gotten 11 eggs and Jen got so happy and was laughing so much! It took about 15 minutes for the medicine to decrease and Jen was back to normal. She literally laughed for about 15 minutes straight it was quite hilarious! We were ready to go. Jen had no residual affects of the medicines and was just a little sore and we were on our merry way!IMG_9955

We are so excited about the having 11 eggs! With Jen having a low AMH we were hoping to just make it to retrieval, which our clinic requires, 4 follicles. Jen did fantastic with the medicine protocol and our doctor is happy with the results thus far. Jen’s lining is still amazing and we are still on track for a fresh transfer. Day 5 transfer will be this upcoming Tuesday! Tomorrow we will find out how many fertilized and then another update Sunday.

Grandma Medicine- It’s Good For The Soul

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Since the beginning of injections we have been using the mindset of grandma medicine. Our acupuncturist stressed the need for soul-nourishing foods. Since we started trying to convince we have adopted a more clean-eating lifestyle, more whole foods, less non-vegetable, non-fruit carbs and just healthier eating. Now we are certainly not perfect by any means, we both love exploring and finding new places to eat, and sometimes you just want carbs, but overall have been pretty much eating the best farm-fresh foods we can find.

We have always read that eating warm foods and drinking warm beverages after the transfer was best, but our amazing acupuncturist said that we should start with the grandma medicine, soul- nourishing, soul-warming foods now. So we did, at the start of our injections we have had nothing but warm, hot foods.

Here are a few recipes that Tiffany has made for dinners that end up as left-over’s for lunch:

Healing Lemongrass soup: http://www.forageddish.com/blog/2015/1/11/healing-lemongrass-soup

Hearty Chicken Soup with Rice and Kale: http://www.theroastedroot.net/hearty-chicken-soup-rice-kale/

Beef Stew: http://flavorite.net/2015/12/04/classic-beef-stew/

Parmesan Broth with Lemon, Chicken, Spinach: http://blog.williams-sonoma.com/parmesan-broth-with-lemon-chicken-spinach

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Spinach Tomato Tortellini Soup

Spinach Tomato Tortellini Soup: http://damndelicious.net/2014/09/06/spinach-tomato-tortellini-soup

Chicken and Dumplings: http://eatathomecooks.com/homemade-chicken-

and-dumplings-its-easy-really/

Ginger Poached Chicken Broth Soup: http://www.astackofdishes.com/ginger-poached-chicken-broth-soup/

Simple Potato Soup: http://www.target.com/r/recipes/simple-potato-soup-recip

Thai Dumpling Soup: http://kokocooks.com/2012/11/thai-wonton-soup/

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Thai Dumpling Soup

For the dumplings- we used premade, organic chicken frozen dumplings from Costco.

Chicken Vegetable Barley Soup: This one we have no recipe for, we cheated. We bought an organic vegetable barley soup from Costco that we have had in the freezer and added some fresh grilled chicken breast.

Any of the recipes above that do not have any meat in them we added organic chicken breast to.

We used Organic Chicken broth from Costco, they have a six pack for relatively inexpensive and we have gone through about 8 cartons of the chicken broth so far.

For breakfast it is a mix of waffles, eggs, turkey bacon, oatmeal with nuts and fruit.

We are trying our best to make sure things are warm, cooked through and balanced. So far we are enjoying it. It helps that it has been quite rainy and chilly the past couple weeks.

Acupuncture: We LOVE It!

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We have the most AMAZING acupuncturist ever! Jen was extremely apprehensive with the idea of going to an acupuncturist to be stuck with more needles. But quickly all the worries about it went away. Jen’s first appointment was three weeks ago, when she was nearing the end of the birth control and honestly it was love at first poke.

We got extremely lucky and feel so blessed to have one of the best, most caring, kindhearted and gentle person ever. We cannot thank her enough for the compassion, encouragement, peace and healing that she provides.

Throughout the process it can be and has been extremely stressful. The anxiety of spending thousands of dollars and hoping that it will finally be our turn to be moms. There is nothing in this world that we want more so finding ways to help manage stress and ways to help create a nurturing and warm environment is important.

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There have been studies, suggesting that acupuncture helps increase the percentage of the success with IVF. Our fertility clinic has a stance that it can’t hurt to try anything and everything within reason. We found our acupuncturist through Google and she works in the same location as the reiki practitioner that we see.

We are amazed at the results that we see. Jen’s lining has never been this thick and healthy looking and we fully believe that the energy and healing that acupuncture has created in Jen has directly created the GORGEOUS lining. Our acupuncturist is super encouraging and provides that reassurance that everything so far is great. The fact that we have ten follicles that are growing nicely and at a good rate of speed and a good lining is a cause for celebration. It is about taking it one day at a time and knowing that you are doing everything you can to create the best possible outcome.

We want to include some research and studies and links to help provide information.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11937123

http://americanpregnancy.org/infertility/acupuncture/

http://fertilityacupuncturistseattle.com/fertility-acupuncture/ivf-program/

We have started… the big guns!!!

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March 4th has come and gone and the birth control worked!!!! Jen started the antagonist protocol with 225 units of Follatism in the morning and at night and 20 units of micro hcg at night as well.

 

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Our first ultrasound was this past Wednesday. At that point, it was day 5 of meds. There were 10 follicles that were approx 8-10 mm in size and uterine lining looking great with the three layers. One of our fears was that the medicine would decrease and ruin Jen’s lining, as it hasn’t always the best in the past. When we were still doing IUI’s, her lining was always an issue and struggled to even get to a 7. After the ultrasound, we were ushered around room to room to complete different tasks for the pre-op requirements. We were exhausted to say the least!

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One of the great things about our clinic is that all the doctors and all the nurse coordinators meet at noon and discuss all the current cycle patients and then see if anything needs to change with the current meds or monitoring. We got a call Wednesday afternoon saying that Jen is progressing well and slightly quicker than they anticipated and that we were to start the Ganirelix on Thursday.

– Warning about the Ganirelix, the needle that is on the premade syringe is terrible. It is not strong and very dull which makes it super hard to get it in!

Over the next two days of injections, Jen’s stomach became bloated and she has felt a ton of twinges. Today was the second monitoring appointment and it went great as well. They measured about ten follicles again (which is awesome for her AMH level, at least that is what we are told,) they were between 11-14 mm and her lining was at 7.67! We are shocked that her lining is so great! We have never seen it that high!

Our next appointment is Sunday. Trigger should be either Monday or Tuesday and then the egg retrieval at 35 hours past that time. Fingers crossed everything keeps going well.

Nesting: It’s a real problem!

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There isn’t a day that goes by that we do not want to buy a baby item. The compulsive need to buy, organizing, cleaning has begun quite a while ago. Some say that it is an act of a crazy person, but we really do not think that you can be too prepared for the future.

When we first got a positive test the cork on keeping the crazy at bay was popped. Tiffany started painting the nursery, purchased the crib and started the nesting. When that positive ended in a chemical pregnancy we were completely devastated which added so much fuel to the crazy fire of nesting and making everything perfect.

Over the past couple months; our life has been one doctor’s appointment after another. One monitoring appointment after another making sure that we are trying during the perfect cycle. Guess what? There is no perfect cycle. Not every aspect of an IUI can be controlled; there are a lot of errors while trying with IUI’s, which is one of the primary reasons we moved to IVF. During these crazy months of trying, buying a cloth diaper every couple weeks or buying a swaddling blanket or getting a really good deal on a Mamaroo swing. Seriously though, when a brand new Mamaroo is on sale for $100.00 and then you get a $40.00 giftcard, how could anyone pass that amazing deal up? You simply can’t. Those crazy months, buying some baby things helped keep the hope alive.

Nesting is a real thing. It is not just after a positive, but also while trying and preparing your body for a baby.